Revenge of the Cookie Sith
by QuixoticQuest
Summary: The sequel to "The Temptation." Luke goes to hunt down Vader who stole his cookies. But he ends up getting caught up in an argument about bad dialogue instead. Will Luke ever get his cookies back? Or will Vader eat them all? M for fudge content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- As per the request of those of you who have read my story "The Temptation" (much thanks for the review- nerdtron and ZakoBattleDroid) here is the beginning of the sequel. I'm not entirely sure if this is going to be any good, but please enjoy! **

**My apologies in advance to George Lucas (see dialogue below).**

REVENGE OF THE COOKIE SITH

Luke had waited a long time for the moment he could get his revenge for all the cookies his father robbed him of. The cookies that were delicious and sweetly baked just for him- Darth Vader stole. He even got chocolate all over his mask- so he had to be the culprit.

The moment was soon to approach because in the time that Luke had spent hunting down all the Jedi and stealing their cookies. He'd found that Darth Vader had taken most of the cookies beforehand.

"They were oatmeal, baked just for you!" Owen Lars said. "But he came here before you did, we couldn't say no or he'd force us to eat fudge. Fudge is of the light side."

"Don't you want to be on the light side?" Luke had asked his uncle.

"No, not if I can't eat cookies." Owen had replied. Beru Lars moodily baked another batch of cookies for Luke.

"If you two could just eat the kriffin fudge, we'd all be happier!!" She cried and put a tray of cookies down on the table. Luke tried to take one but a black gloved hand took them before he did.

"Vader!" Luke jumped up and ignited his lightsaber, which was terrifying because it was made of pure cane sugar.

"You have fallen for my trap, Luke. Now I will be the only one to have possession of the cookies!"

"In your twisted Funion dreams!!" Luke yelled and raised his lightsaber of cane sugar. Vader lifted his, made of glowing caffeine.

"For the record I don't eat Funions." Vader said, "And I hate things that are swirly."

"Oh, you mean like this!" Luke pulled out a swirly straw. Vader cringed.

"Ah the swirlyness of it! I can't bear the anguish."

"Then watch this!" Luke took his cup of plain milk and drank it with the swirly straw. Vader held his head and screamed.

"Make it stop! The milk is regular! Not 2%!! Can't you tell I love calories?!!"

"Actually with that jumpsuit, I honestly couldn't tell." Luke said.

Vader took his caffeine lightsaber and sliced the milk and swirly straw in half.

"NO, MILK!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? THAT WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!!"

"What about Han and Leia?" Darth Vader asked.

"Who?" Luke blinked.

"Oops, wrong point in the script, sorry."

"Now I am really confused." Owen said.

"When does the anti-social cookie eating oversized baby grow up and find friends other than his glass of milk, which by the way is five years expired, and do whatever else you're talking about?" Beru asked incredulously.

"Don't ask me." Vader shrugged, "I'm just playing the part of the evil overlord who has no life."

"Fuck that!" Luke said, "I'm not making friends! All they do is nag-nag-nag, and in the end, they forget when your birthday is. Then they get all huffy and tell you to give them something and after that they laugh in your face when they beat you at Monopoly and Star Fox!!"

"Ouch, that burns." Vader said, making a face under his mask that no one could see, so mentioning it really doesn't matter in this story. "I feel for you. Obi Wan never let me win at Star Fox. His tank blew me up before I could say 'May the Force be with you.'"

"You feel for me?" Luke repeated, "You ate my cookie!!"

"So? You didn't want to turn to the dark side, it's in the script."

"Fuck the script? You know George Lucas wrote that while he was drunk and talking to his Hollywood friends. We're lucky the second half of the originals had good dialogue."

"Really?" Vader takes out the script and leafs through it. "Okay, so here I say 'Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son'" He shook his head, "Who the hell writes like this? It's almost as bad as the author of this story."

"Tell me about it." Beru said, nodding in agreement.

"Oh, and look at this one," Luke said, pointing to a line of dialogue, "I say 'I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to save you.' Flying Benjamins in Harris Bank!! Did I have to state the obvious?"

"She doesn't know who you are." Vader pointed out.

"She my frickin' sister and a Jedi, what's not to know?"

"Well, she doesn't exactly know you're her brother at that point in the script." Vader said, laughing awkwardly.

"What?? Whose stupidly obvious and stereotypical science fiction destiny idea was that??"

"George's." Owen, Beru, and Vader said in unison.

"Forget cookies. I'm suing George Lucas. I'm not saying the dialogue anymore."

"Wait, Luke you can't just walk off the set!" One of the cameramen called. But Luke was already gone. He knew that his mission was to make sure he never lost cookies due to bad scriptwriting.

He would have gone to sue George Lucas if he hadn't fallen into the Sarlacc pit on his way out. Fortunately the pit was only made of Twizzlers, so it wasn't deadly. Unfortunately, the author conveniently forgot that the first part of the story mentioned that Luke is highly allergic to Twizzlers.

**A/N- To Be Continued… **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Sorry for taking so long to post the next chapter for this fan fic, I was busy working on my other piece "When it Begins Again" and doing the research- which isn't research in the traditional sense because it's just me going to the bookstore to reread some of the parts of the New Jedi Order series since I sold my old copies on ebay (I realized later on this was probably a stupid idea because I felt self conscious sitting in Barnes and Nobles with a notebook and reading an SW book). Anyways, that's my random anecdote that explains my delay. I think this new piece isn't as good as the last one (thanks for reviewing **the good dr. **and **nerdtron **). I really appreciate the feedback (even when I'm writing a parody I take good writing seriously). Without further ado, here's the next part of the series (until "When…" is finished there will continue to be spaces between each posting so I'm just giving everyone a heads up).**

Luke clung tightly to the shaft as Vader held out his hand, in the other he had a book, which he was reading while talking to Luke.

"No, I am your father."

"My what?"

"Father. F-A-T-H-E-R. You know, the person who never lets you half ass sports, makes you do your homework, yells at you to do all the things you don't want to and yells louder when you back-talk. The person who-"

"Annoys you?" Luke sighed, "Yeah, you annoy me, so I guess I can believe that."

"Really? Wow, this whole convincing business is easier than Palpatine told me it was."

Palpatine's voice sounds in Vader's head, "The Ramen lies!"

"Hello?" Luke waves his hand, then quickly grabs the pole again. "Earth to Vader."

"Huh, what?" Vader clears his throat, "Where were we, oh yes, join me and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son!"

"I think you skipped a part." Luke said, reading the script which was taped to the pole.

"Well, you skipped a line where you were supposed to be denying that I was your father."

"What's the point in denying it if I actually believe you?" Luke thought for a second, "Do you want me to not believe you."

"Nope, I'm good." Vader said. He began reading his book again. Luke strains to see what Vader is reading.

"What's that you're reading?" Luke jerks his head towards the book. Vader holds up a copy of "Pride and Prejudice."

"Oh, that's a classic." Luke said. Vader nods.

"Yeah, but this Darcy guy's a real jerk. I mean he's pretty stuck up and spoiled." Vader nods but Luke raises an eyebrow.

"You should take a look at your own track record, Baldy." Luke said, then began ticking off all the items on his fingers as he said them, "You've killed younglings, you've destroyed Alderaan, you've eaten my cookies-"

"That's because you need to eat your vegetables, I'm already a vegetable." Vader replied. Luke promptly ignored Vader.

"You've dyed your hair pink,"

"When did I do that?"

"When Pink Floyd was hot, Obi-wan was pissed." Luke grinned maliciously.

A/N- Pink Floyd still rules.

"I told him never to tell anyone about that. I'm going to kill him!"

"Too late." Luke said, sighing then continuing to list items, "Well, actually there aren't any more since that would count as spoiling."

"Bleah, like I care. I'm just going to go back to my ship and eat fudge anyways." Vader continued to read the book, pretending to ignore Luke. Sensing he was finally getting on his newly discovered father's nerves, Luke decided he'd steal the cookies out of Vader's pouch.

"Come on, Cookies." Luke muttered and the pouch flew into his hands. Luke gave a loud cheer then Vader's gaze shot down to his now empty belt and at Luke celebrating on the pole.

"Why you- son of a Dagobah swamp monkey!!"

"Actually I'm your son." Luke clarified then let go of the pole.

"No, that's not true, that's impossible! I'm disowning you! I don't care if the emperor kills me for this! You're not coming back to the Death Star and stealing my cookies!" Vader then thinks to himself, _Man, this time-line is all messed up. Who the heck is deciding this anyways? _

Luke fell down and was rescued by the Millenium Falcon while Han entertained Boba-Fett with Cantina jokes in order to try to get out of being frozen in carbonate.

"And then the thug says 'I don't like you either,'" Han paused, "Then Luke says 'I'll be careful,' and the thug says 'you'll be dead.'" Han slaps his knee, laughing. Boba Fett shakes his head.

"You're really not very funny. Well, nice try, into the carbonate." Boba Fett said.

"Aw, man." Han said with a groan.

Meanwhile Luke celebrates his victory of getting back his cookies only to find there are only crumbs left. "What????" He screams, "Curse you, Red Baron!!"

**A/N- Until the next chapter, later! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Sorry for taking so long, it took a while for my funny bone to finally kick me with a new idea. I'm thinking I'll just ask anyone reading this to write their reviews with requests for scenes from any of the SW movies (original or new) that I'll write as parodies. I'm out of ideas at the moment and I would appreciate suggestions!**

**Also, a salute to Monty Python is in order for some of the references and inspiration in this parody. =)**

A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG… ETC… TIME AGO (SO LONG AGO IN FACT THAT I CAN BARELY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED FIVE MINUTES AGO)…

IN A GALAXY (NOT) SO FAR AWAY, SO IN FACT IT'S CLOSE BY, NEXT DOOR, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE, IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!

OKAY, WHOEVER WAS WRITING THAT HAS BEEN FIRED. ON TO THE REAL STORY… I MEAN SHORTY. DID I MENTION I LIKE MOOSES? ALL THE MOOSE STUNTS IN THIS FILM ARE REAL, I SWEAR!

WHOEVER FIRED THAT PERSON HAS BEEN CHOKED TO DEATH BY DARTH VADER AND ALL OTHER WRITERS HAVE PROMPTLY BEEN FED GLOW STICKS AND WILL BE OUT OF COMISSION FOR A FEW DAYS. THANK YOU AND SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

AHEM,

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR AWAY…

STAR WARS: THE LOST EPISODE VII

DARTH VADER AND THE LAND OF THE MUNCHKINS

(NOW YOU KNOW WHY IT WAS LOST)

DARTH VADER, UPON LOSING HIS DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY, DECIDED TO FORCE ENTRY INTO CORUSCANT BUT WAS GROUNDED BY HIS FOSTER FATHER, EMPEROR PALPATINE.

MADDENED, VADER GOES TO MUNCHKIN LAND (WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME WANT DONUTS?) IN HOPESM OF GATHERING AN ARMY OF ANGRY MUNCHKINS (DON'T ASK ME WHY THEY'RE ANGRY, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT EWOKS WERE CHOSEN TO BE IN STAR WARS AND NOT THEM) AND WITH HIS MUNCHKINS GOES TO OVERTHROW HIS OVERBEARING FATHER. BUT IN THE PROCESS, IS THRWARTED BY COPYRIGHT ISSUES CONCERNING THE WIZARD OF OZ SINCE MUNCHKINS WERE NEVER IN STAR WARS.

DARTH VADER NOW HAS TO GET A LAWYER AND DECIDES TO GET ONE FROM BOSTON LEGAL. UNFORTUNATELY THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE IS DENNY CRANE SINCE ALLAN ISN'T IN TOWN (ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT THAT HE'S BUSY PLAYING MARIO KART WITH BUGS BUNNY).

IS THERE ANYTHING NORMAL ABOUT THIS STORY. YOU KNOW WHAT, IT CAN JUST STAY LOST!

-END TRANSMISSION-

YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO BURN THIS MESSAGE OR IT WILL EXPLODE, GOOD LUCK!

**A/N- Well? 90% WTF? 100% WTF? Let me know (once again I was just making stuff up and I'm sorry if you didn't get the BL references, I watch that show so I decided to include it). Sorry for the delay, I promise there won't be three month gaps between posts from now on (I just need you guys to give me suggestions for each chapter). Thanks for reading! =)**


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